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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29401608">Not The Only One</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wedontslave/pseuds/wedontslave'>wedontslave</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Future Fic, Misunderstandings, One True Pairing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:54:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,070</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29401608</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wedontslave/pseuds/wedontslave</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke has a horrible feeling that Lexa’s cheating on her – Lexa’s acting distant, she always works overtime, she seems less affectionate. Yet, Clarke cannot bring it upon herself to end their relationship.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clarke Griffin/Lexa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Not The Only One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/760752">I'm Not The Only One</a> by Sam Smith.
        </li>

    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Honey, I’ve made breakfast for you,” Clarke called as she watched Lexa descend the stairs. It had been like this for a while now, Clarke would make Lexa some breakfast as Lexa got ready for work. Sometimes Lexa would stay for a little to eat half of the luxurious breakfast Clarke spent so long preparing, but other times she would leave the food to cool on the table and leave without a second glance.</p><p>Clarke hoped that Lexa would stay to eat today. She had spent a little over half an hour making poached eggs and pancakes.</p><p>However, with one glance at the brunette who was looking at herself in the mirror, fixing her blazer, she knew that Lexa was not going to stay.</p><p>“Sorry, babe,” Lexa pouted, and she had the audacity to actually sound remorseful. “I got up too late today, have to be in court first thing in the morning.”</p><p>Clarke felt a dull thud of pain settling in her heart, but she swallowed it down and mustered a brave smile. After all, it was nothing new.</p><p>“That’s okay,” she reassured, placing a fleeting touch on tanned shoulders. “I’ll see you later today?”</p><p>Lexa nodded.</p><p>“Alright. Come here, give me a kiss,” Clarke requested and Lexa leaned forward slightly.</p><p>She wanted more, but it was only a peck.</p><p>“Bye,” Lexa gave a small smile as she picked up her briefcase and walked out the front doors, towards their black car parked in the front yard of their suburban house.</p><p>Clarke watched as the car pulled out of the driveway, smiling and giving it a tentative wave as it made a right turn and went down the road. Unfortunately, the driver did not wave back.</p><p>Her smile was still there seconds after the car disappeared from sight, but soon, she found her facial muscles straining under the effort. Her smile fell and ducking her head, she turned and trudged back into the confines of their house.</p>
<hr/><p>Clarke didn’t know how much time passed, just her sitting in solitude on the sofa, staring at the grey sky. She watched as the clouds slowly drifted across the turbid canvas, overlapping and sliding across each other.</p><p>This was the third day in a row, spending time in solitude. She wasn’t bored, because simply trying to keep your feelings in check and to bury all the hurt was more than enough to keep you occupied.</p><p>She could swear that she and Lexa were great only a few months ago. They were still having date night on Fridays, they still cuddled in the evenings watching some bad film as they shared popcorn, they still had plenty of mind-blowing sex.</p><p>And now, she had none of these things. Lexa always had some kind of an excuse as to why she couldn’t make date night, and she was never home in the evenings for their movie night. She would arrive after nine, sometimes even later when Clarke was already asleep in their bed.</p><p>Lexa was cheating on her. What else could it be?</p><p>She had to have done something wrong. There had to be a reason why Lexa no longer loved her, why Lexa would find solace with another woman instead of a silly girl she had been with for over five years.</p><p>What was wrong with her? Why didn’t Lexa love her back anymore?</p><p>The murky spread of white dotted with grey clouds blurred and contorted as she felt the familiar sting in her eyes. She couldn’t keep it down for any longer. Her heart felt as if it was constantly being compressed by a vice grip of humiliation and hurt, and she could no longer stand the torture.</p><p>Her shoulders shook as she broke down into uncontrollable sobs, feeling her mascara run down her cheeks, staining everywhere. But she didn’t care.</p><p>Lexa didn’t love her. Yet Clarke couldn’t bring it upon herself to confront Lexa about her affairs, because that meant that she would hear the truth come out of Lexa’s very own lips, etching the hurt into her heart for eternity. It made it real, the pain palpable, and it meant that Lexa would leave her. And even after everything, she didn’t want Lexa to leave.</p><p>She felt as if she was grabbing onto the frail string that bound her and Lexa together, not daring to let go because she would tumble into deep depths of darkness, with nobody to catch her.</p><p>Is it so messed up? That she would rather hold onto any part of Lexa, even if it was a mere quarter of her, than let her go completely and find someone who could put 100% into her? Is it so messed up that she still loved Lexa unconditionally and didn’t want Lexa to leave, even if Lexa didn’t love her back anymore?</p><p>Clarke wiped away the black, gnarly stains of ruined mascara from her cheeks and stood up. She needed something to dull the hurt, the pain, so that she could put up a front when Lexa finally returned after having fucked countless nameless girls.</p><p>She was going to do something she had never done before.</p>
<hr/><p>She was worried that she was going to crash her car with how blurry the road was ahead of her. She wasn’t wearing her contacts and her tears kept trailing down mercilessly; she could barely see ten meters ahead of her as she drove. The radio was on, slightly crackling under the static, playing some upbeat 90s song but Clarke didn’t pay any attention towards it. It was too happy for her.</p><p>She felt as if her knuckles were going to break with how hard she was gripping onto the steering wheel, but eventually, she managed to turn the final corner and park their car to the pavement of her destination.</p><p>Even the shopkeeper seemed to be shocked with how much alcohol she was buying. She wasn’t a drinker; she had only had a few shots occasionally at parties but nothing more. She planned to get as wasted as she could, just to dull the pain, if only for a little bit.</p><p>“Twenty-pack of Marlboro, please,” Clarke grunted as she pointed to the wall behind the shopkeeper. The middle-aged man fixed her with a worried look, but under the intimidating glare Clarke gave him he acquiesced and slapped down the pack of cigarettes.</p><p>Clarke swiped Lexa’s card and paid for the items, before making her way back home, bottles of different types of alcohol clanking slightly next to her in the passenger’s seat. Her tears had receded by now, so driving was no longer a hazardous sport for her.</p><p>After a few drinks in, sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room, Clarke started to get a little tipsy. But she didn’t stop. She kept on chugging the bottle of white wine until she felt as if she was going to puke it back out.</p><p>Looking at all the bottles of wine she had bought that were left unopened, lying with her on the floor, she decided to take a break from drinking because she felt like throwing up, not even a whole bottle through. She took another final swig of the bottle before she stood up shakily, hobbling and stumbling through the house as she made her way upstairs towards their bedroom.</p><p>Through the tortuous journey, Clarke was glad to say that her pain dissipated slowly as the alcohol in her system started to take its effect. She felt a lot lighter, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, she felt free. Free from pain, free from anguish, free from eternal sadness.</p><p>The tender pain she had felt less than an hour ago had all disappeared, and got replaced with pure, unadulterated resentment and anger.</p><p>Mind made, Clarke stumbled across a few more rooms and flung open Lexa’s drawer, grabbing as many articles of clothing as she could hold in her hands. She made sure to grab the expensive suits as well.</p><p>It took a while, but after having dumped the clothing into an unruffled heap in the garden, she found lighter fluid in one of the cabinets under the sink in the kitchen. She held the bottle tightly in her hands as she doused the assortment of clothes, formal and informal, with the fluid.</p><p>She then lit up a match, and she could hardly believe that she was having second thoughts when the small stick was getting shorter and shorter, flame edging closer to her fingers with every second that passed.</p><p>Lexa deserved it. That fucking slut deserved it.</p><p>She dropped the match, and was instantly met with a loud roar as the flame erupted, smoke ascending into the stark air.</p><p>She found solace with the intense heat that blasted her in the face as she watched, expressionless, the individual pieces of clothing catch fire and curl as the flames lapped against it.</p><p>When the flames were finally starting to settle down, she walked back into the house and grabbed a cigarette, lighting it up and placing it in her mouth. She had never smoked before in her life, so she coughed and hacked upon the first inhalation of the incandescent gas. However, a few deep breaths later, she got used to it and found herself feeling relaxed and peaceful, as she stared at the dying flames on the grass, littered with ash, the remnants of what used to be Lexa’s expensive lawyer clothes.</p><p>She was surprised to feel no remorse. Yes, she still loved Lexa with every fibre of her being, but that bitch deserved it.</p>
<hr/><p>It was now late in the evening and Clarke had sobered up. The waves of euphoric happiness that the cigarettes and the alcohol had given her had passed, and the hurt slid back into her system. She had considered pushing the pain away again by drinking more, but her more obedient side told her not to. She didn’t want to become an alcoholic, an addict.</p><p>She was a good actress. She looked at herself in the mirror and practised her award-winning smile, feeling pleased when she was satisfied with the results. She could detect no pain in her facial expressions.</p><p>Good.</p><p>She took a deep breath and swung the front door open just as Lexa pulled into the driveway, walking towards her, briefcase in her hands. She mustered that smile she had been practising for the past half-hour, trying her best not to falter when Lexa smiled back.</p><p>Faker.</p><p>“Welcome back,” Clarke breathed as Lexa walked straight into her embrace, holding her tightly.</p><p>“I missed you,” Lexa mumbled into Clarke’s neck as they held each other.</p><p>Sure you did.</p><p>“How was your day?” Clarke asked as Lexa pulled back, holding the blonde at arm’s length.</p><p>“Tiring,” was Lexa’s laconic answer. “People at my firm drive me crazy, I swear,” she sighed.</p><p><em>I bet the fuck they do</em>.</p><p>“I’ll go and have a shower now, babe, is that okay? I smell.”</p><p>“Sure,” Clarke replied with the same practiced smile. “I’ll have dinner ready for you when you’re done.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Lexa pecked Clarke on the cheek. “You’re the best. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”</p><p>Clarke’s smile stayed in place as Lexa made her way up the stairs. Then it fell.</p>
<hr/><p>They had been eating for a while, and it was going so well. Lexa was still yet to detect Clarke’s internal anguish, so that was good. Until Lexa said something that made Clarke’s resolve break complete.</p><p>“Clarke… why did you burn all of my clothes?” Lexa asked with a small furrow of her eyebrows.</p><p>Clarke snapped her head to look at the brunette. She didn’t know what to say to that. It was something that she did in the heat of the moment, under the influence of alcohol. She could always deny it, but what good was that going to do? Lexa already knew.</p><p>Instead, Clarke harboured the resentment she had lost hours ago and fixed it into one single withering glare that she sent, which got the brunette cowering.</p><p>“Because you deserved it,” she replied gruffly.</p><p>“W-What?” Lexa looked genuinely hurt. “Why?”</p><p>“Why?” Clarke echoed mirthlessly, feeling tears prick at the corner of her eyes. “What do you mean, <em>why</em>?”</p><p>“I don’t get it,” Lexa leaned forward to grab Clarke’s hand, but the blonde snatched it away. “Did I do something, Clarke?”</p><p>Clarke’s anger and resentment quickly dissolved as she realised where this conversation was going. She was going to confront Lexa about her affairs, and… that meant that Lexa was going to leave her. This was it. Lexa was going to leave her for good now.</p><p>“I-I don’t get why…” Clarke’s voice trembled as she wiped the tears away from her cheeks. “Why you would cheat on me, Lexa… is it me? Is it something I did?”</p><p>“Cheating?” Lexa’s frown deepened even more. “Clarke, I haven’t been cheating on you.”</p><p>“Yes, you have!” Clarke shouted as she slammed her fork on the table, unable to suppress the pain she had been keeping to herself for two weeks now. It had been two weeks, and she was sick of pretending everything was okay. Because it wasn’t. “Please don’t make it any worse, Lexa. Please don’t blatantly lie to my face, it hurts so much already…”</p><p>“I promise I haven’t been cheating on you,” Lexa said frantically, grabbing Clarke’s hand. Clarke couldn’t muster the energy to pull it away as tears kept trailing, landing on the tabletop. “I would never, I love you, don’t you get that?”</p><p>“Don’t lie to me,” Clarke whispered, shaking her head. “I don’t believe you, Lexa. You never eat the breakfast I spend ages preparing, you don’t watch silly movies with me anymore, you’re never home.”</p><p>“Shit,” Lexa blinked a few tears of her own as she seemed to have realised what she had done. “C-Clarke, I know that this is what it looks like, but I swear I haven’t been cheating on you.”</p><p>“What have you been doing all this time then? I know you’re not just working,” Clarke said glumly.</p><p>“I-I… uh, it’s meant to be a surprise, Clarke.”</p><p>Clarke scoffed and snatched her hands away, but Lexa quickly grabbed onto them again.</p><p>“I promise! I-I’ll show you it right now, okay? It won’t have the same effect, b-but I hope you’ll be able to see past the past two weeks and forgive me, okay?”</p><p>Clarke simply stared at Lexa, prompting her to continue.</p><p>“First of all,” Lexa gulped. “I’m so incredibly sorry for making you think I’ve been cheating on you, you should’ve told me earlier, I’m so sorry, I didn’t think this through…” Lexa swallowed, followed by taking a deep breath. “I’ve been running errands with friends all this time. I was trying to organise this event at Antonio’s, the restaurant we had our first date at, do you remember?”</p><p>Through her haze of confusion, Clarke nodded.</p><p>“I wanted to surprise you, I got a whole lot of friends to agree to come back to celebrate this occasion, I got the band all set up and stuff, but it doesn’t matter, because I’ll do it now. Clarke, you are the best thing that has ever been mine, I cannot describe my love to you with mere words. You helped me find myself, you give me so much happiness that I cannot comprehend, and… for that, I want to keep you to myself forever. I-I know that this is not the best time or place to ask this, but…” Clarke’s jaw slackened as Lexa grabbed something from her back pocket and kneeled in front of her on one knee. “Will you please marry me, Clarke?”</p><p>Clarke gaped at the beautiful ring that was in a box in tanned hands for a long time. Had she misread the whole situation…?</p><p>Fuck. She should’ve given Lexa the benefit of the doubt… Lexa had only started acting distant two weeks ago… she was so stupid. So stupid. She had no idea.</p><p>“I-I’m so sorry…” Clarke wept as she surged forward to embrace her girlfriend in a hug.</p><p>“Is that a yes?” Lexa whispered into the blonde’s ear as Clarke sobbed into tanned shoulders.</p><p>“Yes…” Clarke replied as she pulled back and held the ring between two fingertips. She felt so ashamed and humiliated. “Yes, of course I will… I’m so sorry…”</p><p>“I’m really sorry too…” Lexa mumbled as she slipped the ring in Clarke’s right ring finger. “I was so worried about this whole proposal thing that I didn’t think about how you would feel…”</p><p>Clarke opened her mouth to say something, but before she could Lexa rambled on.</p><p>“I’ve been acting distant because I was really nervous, you know?” Lexa explained. “Every time I looked at you I would think about the question I will be forcing myself to ask, and every time that happens I get this swirling feeling in my stomach and I feel sick, because I’m so scared. And um… I don’t eat your breakfasts because… ah,” she blushed. “I always oversleep and end up being late to work, so I’m sorry I didn’t have time to eat your <em>delicious</em> food,” she bit her lip nervously. “And I’ve been home late because I’ve been rehearsing with the band and making arrangements all this time… I was going to sing you a sappy song on the day before I knelt in front of you… all our friends were going to watch…”</p><p>“I-I…” Clarke was lost for words. All of this time, Lexa was tiring herself out, doing all of this for her. And she completely undermined that with her insecurity, her lack of trust in the woman she was supposed to love the most, and came up with a completely wrong hypothesis, causing her all this unnecessary pain. “I’m so sorry, Lexa… I shouldn’t have burnt all your clothes…”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Lexa reassured. “At least you didn’t burn the house down,” she jested, evoking a much-needed smile to appear on Clarke’s lips. “So… we good?”</p><p>“Yes,” Clarke whispered. “Thank you so much for this, and I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“No more apologies,” Lexa admonished lightly. “I love you, wife-to-be.”</p><p>“And I love you too, wife-to-be,” Clarke parroted with a bashful smile.</p><p>Lexa gave a lazy smile as she leaned in to capture Clarke’s lips in a euphoric kiss, and at that moment, Clarke felt that everything was okay again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Regarding the rather "toxic" behaviour on Clarke's part, lots of people were triggered by that so I urge you to scroll up and click the link at the top. This is an adaptation of one of Sam Smith's music video where a scorned bride does burn clothes, so check it out and you'll understand.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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